I’ve never been great at anything. I’ve tried, many times, but in the end, the lack of motivation to get over the plateau made me comfortable enough to settle and not push further. This is the story of my whole life. Since school, I’ve never put my heart into anything for any longer than a day or two. And I’ve always felt there was something wrong with me, something that prevents me from being successful in life. Until now, I thought that I was not good enough or that I wasn’t taking life so seriously. But now I can ask the question: why do I want to be successful in one thing in life? why devote my entire life to be the best in a small portion of reality? Because this is what civilization mostly needs. We need super-specialized ants that can keep digging in different holes while economy moves on. But is this what humans are made for? I doubt it. And from now on, I will not take shame but pride in being Jack of all trades. Until now, I’ve always felt belittled by other people with expertise in things that I didn’t, missing the overall picture. And that picture is that life is a lot more than a 9 to 5 job that pushes you into imaginary goals and gives you two carrots per year while your kids grow. This is not how I want to pass through existence. Now it all makes sense thanks to an old song from a mythic Balearic band called Antonia Font. The song is called Patxanga, and it says something like this:
Patxanga, I only want total patxanga
I wish the world was made for the amateurs
Patxanga, life is just a complete patxanga
Patxanga
Is a word that comes from Cuba, and it’s a genre of music originated in the 1950s. It is usually related to festive lifestyle, salsa, Caribbean. And for some reason, at least in my country, this word also means:
Not prepared. Amateur. Something that is not professionally executed.
This makes sense, as it comes from Caribbean lifestyle, improvised, passionate. Somehow this word (when not refering to the music genre) is more peyorative than positive, and it’s often used to point out that something is not as good as it should. But, if looked deeper, it has pure magic on the inside. When doing a patxanga statement, it is implicit that something is not professional enough, not because the participants aren’t good, but because they don’t give a damn about the output and they are just, how to say it… enjoying life. It is the equivalent of playing jazz without having any idea of jazz but only the basics of playing music. You are just not devoting your life to crazy hard work to become the best player in the world. Instead, you are too focused on pursuing the spark of life itself that you just don’t have time to care about what others might think of you.
I am tired of convincing myself that the real deal didn’t show up yet. Fuck off. I’m tired of self-talk about how the years are passing and I am no expert in some particular thing. I’ve always been ashamed about that, carrying the impostor syndrome everywhere. But you know what, I’ve never been considering the other part. The positive things about being Jack of all trades. This was me not being successful yet, instead of accepting who I really am. I am capable of having a lunch talk with my peers developers and introduce them to marketing concepts. I can discuss with designers while actually having an opinion on the illustrations because I (poorly) draw. I can enjoy a conversation with a heavy metal fan about electronic music and with a Dj about why surfing is different from any other sport. I can run a half marathon without caring about my final score to go rock climbing the next day because my arms aren’t as fucked as my legs. Depending on the type of snow I will ski or snowboard tomorrow because I am good with both but not a master of any. I can write about videogames, music, even clothing because I know a little bit about everything and nothing in particular. I finally accepted that I am an original patxanguero. I am sure there are people out there that enjoy dedicating their entire life to the genitalia of a particular insect, but this is not how I think we were all designed. We were designed to hunt, run, climb, talk, think and create to eat and survive. And this collides with hyper segmented professional expectations that we see everyday everywhere. The funniest example is that job offer on LinkedIn asking for more expertise in Kubernetes than the years since Kubernetes was born. This is our messed world! And better be prepared to escape this nonsense if you want to keep your mental health.
In the end, this is just a letter I wrote to myself to remind me about how important patxanga is today. Being superficial on most of the stuff because you are interested in lots of things is just fine, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t successful or a bad professional. This realization might seem irrelevant, but it’s something that came to my mind just after reading philosophy theory about playing that George Sheehan developed in the book Running: the total experience. Without play… we are dead. We need to play more than ever because there are so many invisible forces pushing us to work-work-work that we are buried under our plans of future success. And I am not talking here about playing video games or continue excelling in our screen addictions. I am talking about playing in life, playing with life, not taking everything as seriously as it seems but as a challenge to beat, rest and move on. New day new me. To enjoy things without worrying if that will be useful in the future or not. To get drunk with the air and say why not, instead of nah, I’ve never tried that before. I will never ever take shame again on not being that good at one thing in my entire life. If I finally have to become master of anything, let it be the Master of Patxanga.
